It Is Not Wajib For The Wife To Serve The Mother-In-Law

Many men consider it a great fortune that they keep their wives subservient and controlled by their mothers and thourgh this they cause great injustices and wrongs to their wives. Hence, understand this very well, that it is not duty of the wife to serve the mother-in-law. If you consider it good fornute, then you yourself should serve the mother or acquire a servant to do the work.

It is my opinion that it is not a duty upon wife to cook food. For this deduction Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi used the following verse as substantiation :

"AND OF HIS SIGNS IS THIS THAT HE HAD CREATED FOR YOU MATES
THAT YOU MAY FIND PEACE AND TRANQUILITY IN THEM"

The deduction is this that woman has been created that your heart should find tranquility in her.Hence women are there for our delight and happiness and not for the purpose of cooking food.

MARRIAGE IS NOT TO CREATE A WEDGE

A truly lamentable and evil attitude in many women is their plot of creating a wedge between their husbands and their parents. The woman in her ignorance and selfishness feels that her husband should practically sever his ties with his parents. She wants to lay all claim to her husband as if he has become her chattel by virtue of Nikah.

She should understand that a man marries not for severing his ties with his parents nor to become the servant of his wife. If he happens to be a cuckold, then obviously this naseehat is not for him. Women who behave in this manner are utterly cruel. They invoke the Curse of Allah Ta’ala o­n themselves.

In these times we observe that inspite of living in a palatial home with ample space, the wife of the house is not prepared to allow her husband’s parents to live with them even if all facilities are separate and she enjoys her privacy. Parents who brought into this world their son, who suffered and sacrificed for him until he married, today are unable to live under the roof of their son simply because of a vixen who displays her satanic attitudes of spite, selfishness and malice.

While a wife expects her husband to cultivate the best of relationship with her parents and run at their beck and call, she has a ‘natural’ (nafsaani) aversion for her husband’s parents in particular and for her in-laws in general.

If the husband happens to be a man of strong will, ignoring his wife’s haraam desires, and brings his parents to live with him, the path for misery is paved. His wife will commence with swelling up her face, like a balloon. Everyone knows the rest of the story which will unravel in the aftermath.

For the sake of satisfying her inordinate nafsaani and evil desires, she become blind to the consequences of the evil path she chooses. She recklessly ruins her life, the life of her children and opts for even terminating the marriage. This is happening in increasing numbers in our days. Too many such cases are unfurling infront of our eyes.

It is imperative for women to understand that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) observed o­n the Night of Mi’raaj that most inmates of Jahannum will be women. When the women enquired of the reason for this state of affairs, Nabi-e-Kareem (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) attributed the cause of their entry into Jahannum to ingratitude for their husbands and their abundance of curses.

Women have absolutely no right whatsoever to demand to live in a house completely apart from their parents-in-law. The Shariah gives her the right of separate and private accommodation. But this does not mean that she can demand a separate house in which she cannot tolerate the presence of her husband’s parents. As long as her husband provides such accommodation for her, whether in a separate house or whether in the same house in which his parents live, in which she has her privacy and is not compelled to serve o­n his parents against her will, her waajib right of Suknaa (shelter or home) has been satisfied in terms of the Shariah. She cannot insist that her husband accommodates her in a house where his parents will not be allowed to live.

The naseehat which we have provided here is for such women who are oppressive and make un-Islamic demands o­n their husbands. They are selfish and malicious. We are aware of the other side of the spectrum as well. Those women who are enslaved by their in-laws obviously are not the target of this naseehat. Insha’Allah, there will be another Naseehat for their husbands and in-laws in a future issue.

NIKAH OF ASIM

THE NIKAH OF THE SON OF HAZRAT UMAR R.A TO AGIRL FROM BANU HILAL.

Hazrat Umar bin Khattab R.A had prohibited the dilution of milk with water during his reign of khilafat.One night, because of some necessity, he went towards the outskirts of Madina Munawwarah. Suddenly he heard the voice of woman addressing her daughter :"Why have you not diluted the milk with water as yet?The break of dawn is near". The daughter repliad : "It is not permissible for me to dilute the milk with water. The Amirul Mu'mineen has prohibited doing so". The mother remarked : "Why can't you do it when other are doing so. The Amirul Mu'mineen is unaware of what you are doing so". The young daugther replied : "If Umar is unaware, then most certainly his Rabb is aware of what I am doing. Hence I am unable to comply with your order". Hazrat Umar R.A was extremely pleased with the conversation of this young girl.

The next morning he called his son Asim and related the whole incident to him. He then told his son, "Go and enquire who is that young girl". After making some enquiries, Asim informed his father that she belonged to the clan of Bani Hilal .Hazrat Umar R.A then advised his son, "Preform your nikah with this young girl. She is most definitely worthy of bearing a great leader who will rule over all the Arabs".

Consequently, Asim married this young girl. She bore a daugther, Ummu Asim binti Asim bin Umar bin Khattab. Umme Asim married Abdul Aziz bin Marwan bin Hakam.From this marriage, Umar bin Abdul Aziz was born.

It is narrated that once Hazrat Umar R.A awoke from his sleep, rubbed his eyes,wiped his face with his hand, repeating the follwing words several times, "Who is going to be born from the progeny of Umar and will follow in the footstep of Umar?".

MAKSUD KAHWIN DALAM ISLAM

Memandangkan sekarang adalah musim perkahwinan. Disini saya banyak ceritakan pasal perkahwinan.Tahniah bagi mereka yang akan berkahwin tak lama lagi. Saya ucapkan selamat pengantin baru, semoga kekal ke anak cucu.Barakallahu laka wa alaika.Memandangkan banyak berlakunya kes2 penceraian dizaman sekarang. Pergaduhan antara suami isteri, sehinggakan ada yang hanya menikmati perkahwinan mereka beberapa bulan bahkan ada yang hanya beberapa minggu sahaja. Jadi saya disini mahu menjelaskan maksud perkahwinan dan cara untuk kita kekalkan alam rumahtangga kita. Moga2 apa yang baik dapat kita sama2 kongsi.

Tujuan kahwin

Allah telah jadikan makhluk2nya dengan pasangan masing. Maka mereka hidup dalam keadaan yang tidak sempurna jikalau pasangan mereka tidak ada. Begitulah sifat fitrah manusia. Manusia akan merasa tidak sempurna jika tiada pasangan bersama mereka walaupun hidup dalam keadaan yang mewah, banyak harta benda tapi tiada pasangan. Perkara ini telah berlaku pada Nabi Adam a.s. Walaupun hidup dalam syurga Allah. Hidup yang penuh mewah. Tetapi beliau masih lagi merasakan tidak sempurna. Selepas Allah jadikan Hazrat Hawa untuk Nabi Adam a.s, barulah beliau merasakan hidupnya sempurna.

Nikah atau perkahwinan adalah sunnah nabi kita.Sabda Rasullulah "Nikah itu adalah sunnahku". Jadi perkahwinan ini adalah ibadah dan ia adalah salah satu ibadat yang perlu kita tunaikan. Tapi kadang kalanya nikah itu menjadi haram atau tidak berapa sesuai dengan sesetengah orang. Oleh kerana itulah Ulama2 kita ada berkata hukum itu ada lima bahagian.

1. WAJIB KAHWIN

Sekiranya seseorang itu mempunyai keupayaan dari segi kewangan untuk membayar “mahar”(mas kahwin) dan mampu menyediakan nafkah isteri lahir dan batin. Beliau juga tidak berniat untk menganiya isterinya selama berumah tangga. Di samping itu, beliau juga yakin akan terdorong melakukan maksiat (zina) di sebabkan runtunan nafsu yang kuat jika tidak berkahwin.

2. SUNNAT KAHWIN

Kepada orang yang mampu, tetapi aman dirinya daripada terjatuh ke lembah maksiat. Ini adalah hukum asal perkahwinan.

3.HARUS KAHWIN

Bagi seseorang yang yakin tidak akan melakukan zina jika tidak berkahwin serta mampu.

4. MAKHRUH KAHWIN

Apabila seseorang itu bimbang jika dia berkahwin akan menzalimi isterinya. Di samping itu, dia mempunyai kelemahan fizikal yang tidak mampu memberikan nafkah batin kepada isterinya walaupun dari segi kewangan beliau mampu dan juga makruh berkahwin sewaktu negara sedang menghadapi peperangan

5. HARAM KAHWIN

Bagi seseorang yang tidak dapat menunaikan kewajipan2 terhadap isterinya lahir dan batin dan mempunyai keyakinan akan menganiaya.

Begitulah hukum2 bagi lelaki yang mahu berkahwin.Islam mengalakkan kita berkahwin, tapi perlu lihat atas kemampuan kita juga.

HAK SUAMI ISTERI KEATAS SATU SAMA LAIN.

Jadi untuk kita mengekalkan perkahwinan kita sehingga keakhir hayat, perlulah suami isteri itu bertolak ansur antara satu sama lain dan perlu tahu apa hak2 masing2 yang perlu mereka tunaikan supaya hidup rumah tangga mereka akan damai dan boleh kita gelarkan "Rumahku Syurgaku".

Hazrat Hakeem bin Muawiyyah telah meriwayatkan dari ayahnya katanya satu hari ayahnya bertanya kepada Rasulullah : "Wahai pesuruh Allah! Apakah hak yang perlu kami tunaikan keatas isteri2 kami?" Rasulullah menjawab : "Hak kamu keatas mereka ialah apabila kamu makan maka kamu kena bagi mereka makan, dan bila kamu berpakaian maka pakaikan pakaian kepada mereka dan jangan kamu menampar ke muka isteri2 kamu and jangan mencela mereka dan jangan memutuskan hubungan dengan mereka".

Hazrat Abu hurairah meriwayatkan bahawa Rasulullah bersabda: " Aku menasihatkan kamu menjaga isterikamu dengan baik. Maka terimalah nasihat ini kerana wanita dijadikan dari tulang rusuk yang bengkok dan kalau kamu cuba luruskan ia maka akan patah (penceraian) dan kalau kamu biarkan maka dia akan terus bengkok.

Hazrat Umm Salmah meriwayatkan bahawa dia dan Maimunah satu hari telah berjumpa dengan Rasulullah yang pada masa itu bersama dengan Ibnu Umm Makhtum, Salah seorang sahabat nabi yang buta . Rasulullah telah beritahu pada kami : "Kamu berdua tutup muka kamu dari dia". Maka kami jawap : " Tetapi dia itu seorang yang buta dan tidak dapat melihat kami dan mengenal kami". Rasulullah sabda : "Adakah kamu juga seorang yang buta?Adakah kamu tidak dapat melihat mereka?". Inilah yang dikatakan hak suami pada seorang isteri yang perlu dijaga supaya tidak melihat orang lain selain dari suami mereka.Kerana sifat semulajadi manusia juga adalah cemburu. Dan isteri adalah permata yang sangat berharga untuk kita sebagai suami menjaganya dari dicuri orang lain.

Dan isteri mesti selalu mentaati suaminya kerana Rasulullah ada bersabda : "Kalaulah ada sujud untuk orang lain, maka akan aku perintahkan isteri bersujud kepada suaminya". Jadi fahamlah kita bahawa mentaati suami adalah perkara yang sangat penting sekali. Tapi ketaatan disini pun dalam islam ada batasannya. Si isteri boleh mentaati seorang suaminya jikalau si suami tidak menyuruh si isteri buat perkara yang melanggar syariah islam.

Jadi inilah beberapa perkara yang dapat saya kongsikan dahulu.Insyallah, nanti saya akan perkatakan tentang calon suami isteri yang patut kita cari sebagai pasangan kita.Wabillahi tau fiq wassalamualaikum warahmatullahiwabarakatuh.

NASEEHAT FOR YOUNG WIVES

Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said that if he had to order any person to prostrate (make sajdah) for another person, and if this was permissible, he would have commanded the wife to make sajdah to her husband.

This o­ne Hadith is more than adequate to show the high rank which the husband has over his wife. Besides this Hadith, there are numerous other Ahadith as well as Qur’aanic aayaat which declare the higher rank of the husband with emphasis and clarity.

MARRIAGES

In this age of western liberalism which has been adopted by Muslims, the very same evil trend of marriages collapsing and ending in divorce for sport and fun, has overtaken the Muslim community. No longer is Nikah and the home regarded as the holy institutions which Islam has ordained. In addition to the evil of western liberalism another factor which is increasingly contributing to the break down in marriages is the misconception of their rights which girls gain from girls madrasahs.

RIGHTS

They emerge from the madrasahs having understood o­nly that they have rights — that the Shariah has given them Waajib rights — that it is not necessary for them to do domestic chores — that instead of them being servants in the marital home, o­n the contrary, their husbands should be their servants. While they learn about their right of a separate home, away from their in-laws, they are not taught that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) warned: "Woman! Your husband is either your Jannat or your Jahannam."

While they emerge from the madrasah with the idea firmly embedded in their minds that they are not obliged to render any service to their mothers-in-law, they are not taught that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) warned:

"Neither the Fardh nor Nafl Salaat (nor any act of ibaadat) is accepted of the wife who has displeased her husband."

Girls who marry in this age are obsessed with their rights. They enter into marriage with the idea of severing the holy relationship which their husbands have with their parents and family members. From the very first day a young wife arrives at her husband’s home, she initiates her scheme of achieving separation from her in-laws. In the process of conniving to be separated from her parents-in-law, she creates many upheavals in the home, leading to rupture in relationships and misery. Even if she ultimately succeeds in her scheme, she departs from the home of the in-laws leaving behind a legacy of bitterness, enmity and misery.

TALAAQ

In many cases the marriage simply ends in Talaaq. It is imperative that the seniors of the young girls explain to them what exactly Nikah and making a home are. Some girls enter into Nikah understanding that it is freedom from parental control and freedom to wander around. When they realise that they have simply passed from o­ne control to another control, they become rebellious and the worst of nafsaaniyat surfaces to ruin the marriage.

AKHLAAQ

It is essential that young wives and prospective wives understand that marriage is a holy bond. A happy marriage is not based o­n demanding rights. Happiness in a marriage is the product of understanding, patience, toleration, refraining from demanding rights, service to in-laws and total obedience to the husband. Without display of good conduct, happiness in marriage is not possible.

HOME

The young wife should understand that o­nce she has married, her new and permanent home is the home her husband places her in, whether it is a separate house or the home of his parents. His parents are now her parents. Her parents have become strangers to her. The home of her parents is no longer her home. She cannot hope to gain happiness by keeping o­ne leg in the home of her parents and o­ne leg in her marital home.

HAPPINESS

She will not gain happiness if she gives preference to her family over her husband’s family. If her husband is disinclined towards her parents, brothers, etc., and for some reason, whether right or wrong, annoyed with them, his wife should not stand up in defence of them. She should understand that she has to pass her life with her husband, not with her parents or her brothers. Even if her husband unjustly speaks ill of her parents and brothers, she should not display annoyance. She should not pull up her face nor make any comment which will inflame him. She should employ her intelligence, be it defective, and convey to her husband that she is o­n his side, not o­n the side of her family, because now her o­nly family is her husband’s family. Allah Ta’ala will take her husband to task for his injustices. It is not her concern. Her concern is to serve her husband, keep him happy and please him in all lawful things.

ALLAH’S COMMAND

It is Allah and it is His Rasool (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) who have commanded that the wife submits fully to her husband and keeps him happy. Her happiness (her Jannat) is inextricably interwoven with his pleasure. By serving his parents, she serves her husband. And, this sacred serfdom should be her honour. She should not view marriage, home and husband through the coloured glasses of the immoral libertine cult of westernism which has overrun even Muslim society in this age.

DIVINE PLEASURE

In serving her parents-in-law, she is not lowering her dignity in any way. She gains tremendous thawaab thereby. Such service is based o­n the bond she has with her husband. Such service cultivates her husband’s pleasure which in turn brings for her the wonderful Ni’mat of Allah’s Pleasure. She will gain more Divine Pleasure and thawaab out of service to her in-laws than from Nafl acts of ibaadat. o­n the contrary, Allah’s Pleasure is denied to her if she displeases her parents-in-law because such displeasure leads to the displeasure of her husband, and his displeasure brings about Allah’s Displeasure. In the wake of Allah’s Displeasure come His Ghadhab (Wrath) and La’nat (Curse).

INGRATITUDE

The attitude which is common to almost all wives is their ingratitude to their husbands. It is o­n account of this evil attitude that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said that most inmates of Jahannum will be women. Wives should heed this warning of Nabi-e-Kareem (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and struggle against the nafs when this vile emotional urge develops.

MASTER

If the wife o­nly utilizes a bit of intelligence and keeps her in-laws happy by serving them and tolerating their indiscretion and even injustices, she will ultimately become their master. In fact, she will become the master of even her husband. The magnanimity of her heart will win them all over. They will then adore her and serve her. Allah’s aid and special rahmat will be with her. The hearts of people are in His control. If the wife submits to her husband and his whims and fancies, for the Sake of Allah’s Pleasure and in obedience to the numerous advices and exhortations of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), she will attain happiness and Jannat in this world.

If she desires the rewards of Jihaad and the ranks of Shahaadat (Martyrdom), she has to wage jihaad against her nafs in the struggle to gain her husband’s pleasure which is the most important and the o­nly bridge for her to gain Divine Pleasure.

ADMONITION FOR HUSBANDS

The Naseehat offered o­n this page to wives is not a licence for husbands to commit zulm (injustice). In so far as husbands are concerned, there is a host of warnings, admonition and exhortations in the Qur’aan and Hadith which they have to observe in order to gain Allah’s Pleasure and to be saved from His Wrath for any injustices which they may commit against their wives.

Husbands should remember that violation of the huqooq of their wives is a major sin and the consequences of this will not be escaped in Qiyaamah. While wives should not be concerned with the errors and faults of their husbands, the latter should not focus their gazes o­n the wife’s subservience commanded for husbands by the Shariah.

Both husband and wife should look to the Shariah and see what the Qur’aan and Sunnah expect of them. This is the prescription for happiness o­n earth, Divine Pleasure and happiness in the Aakhirah.